Summer is so easy and I'm biking to work all the time every day on the new bike lane with the fast traffic. A car, blue with a black replacement bumper sped through the shadows at me as I went left the other day. I didn't see him don't know if he saw me but it made me think. I've been lucky on the bike. I've descended at over 50 in the rain and I've been in traffic lanes changing from bike lane to straight lane to left lane in one smooth motion, with just a glance behind to the blue S.U.V. far enough back for me to merge over left hand extended perpendicular like in the test infographic everybody last saw when they were 15 when the learners permit test was still administered in the Middlebury courthouse and then later when the angry short man in the bowl cut rode with me in my test, castigating me while scoring me just over the limit for a license to operate. So. I've been lucky I thought the other night on TV some drama some kid paralyzed chest down I hear a crunch and I couldn't get up he said. I've been lucky so far but what am I doing out there. I'm careful but it is just the odds eventually that I get hurt bad.
In bed with just a flannel sheet over us so the ceiling fan can get though. In and out of sleep. Like the feeling of falling off the edge of the earth as you lose consciousness and then shock awake. Like that but visual. The first time, a motorcycle crosses the lane and the last thing I see is the tire tread head on. Tire tread head on, and then I'm looking up in the dark at the fan in the full moon and I'm home. The next time it's a hit from behind I never see coming, and I'm awake again, reaching to touch Kate next to me. Hey, you're real, I'm real, I'm here. Hold my head close enough to the pillow and I can hear the blood rushing through my ears.